Encouragement

Is there anyone who likes criticism? "Sit-up straight!"; "Is your bed made straight?", "brush your hair back so I can see your face" (a favorite of my mother's, now I say it);"don't say huh!"' "don't point at people"; "Don't make that face, if the wind blows, it might get stuck like that" (that's another really old one, you don't know anything about that); "is that what you're wearing?", "look at people when they talk to you". When we correct our children it's because we want them to learn, we want them to improve. We know they don't like it and they always say you're "yelling" at me, when you're really trying to help them. Where's the disconnect?

People feel picked-on, judged, downgraded, when they're corrected or criticized. Even if it's true, it feels like the advisor is putting themself above us. The person will say, "look, I love you, that's the only reason I'm tellIing you". Problem is, if you didn't notice the problem and they dd, it seems like they're saying "you're too stupid to notice and I'm smart enough to have noticed, so I'll let you in on the situation. I know something you don't know. Or maybe you did know there was something that needed fixing, but you just didn't know how to fix it and it seemed too much like acknowledgement that the person you asked about it does know something you don't know. Wow! What a predicament.

That's pretty much what people don't like about criticism. I'm no exception, but I've begun to learn the value of criticism.

The Bible says, "whom He loves He corrects".

Our failures help us grow, learn, improve. If we never change any aspect of who we are, then we'll never get any better than we are right now, today.

1. Do you value the thoughts, advise, input of others? If you don't, could it be because of your own insecurity? People who have to win every argument, be right on every point can't receive from anyone else.

2. Select an accountability partner. We need someone to help us to help us remain accountable for our actions. If you're trying to stick to a diet, quit smoking, clean-out your clutter, improve in some way, an accountability partner can lovingly hold-your-feet-to-the-fire. We lie to ourselves all the time, we rationalize our behavior. "I deserve a donut" "It's ok if I cheat a little, who will it hurt?" YOU. Find someone in your life whom you trust and respect. Ask them to partner with you, to be honest with you about the things that matter. Your accountability partner can filter your rationalizations and keep you moving forward toward your goals.

3. Admit your blindspots. If you know everything, then I'm not talking to you. Most of us have areas where we are less than objective, where we experience knee-jerk responses. Those are the topics where we don't see clearly and need help. Maybe it's a thought lodged in your head by the teaching of your parents or related to an experience from childhood. Whatever the source, it needs to be updated and seen in the light of your experience at present.

To experience growth and see real change and progress in your life, you need to be willing to see the truth, even when it hurts, especially when it hurts. On the otherside of this often difficult experience is a new, fresh ability to shed the shame or disappointment of the past, to have closure in that area and move forward.

Your lasting success and probably someone else's is linked to a moment's acceptance of correction and criticism.

Today, I met a new friend, Juila Cameron. She's a writer. She writes about writing and creativity. We're so much alike. We hit it off right away. I met her in one of her books entitled, "The Creative Life". I've requested all that I can get.

Now I can like anybody and I think of myself as loving everybody, but I have a special connection with my sisters and brother in Christ. I take to them because I feel I can have certain expectations of them. I believe Julia's a Christian. She spoke in that way that Christians who expect Christ to be visible in their lives speak. An expectation of Julia spoke to my soul when she said she wanted to pace her life to run slowly. Whenever I meet writers with whom I'm likeminded, I'm encouraged.

God got me started - When I'd prayerfully, truthfully, faithfully declared within my heart that I, too, wished to be known among the ranks of tell-all, tell-tale, turn-a-phrase, words-o'-praise, step sideways of those who just stay silent (in other words, I wanted to be a writer), God gifted me the resolve, the courage. Within weeks of my uncovered desire, I met a woman who works for herself doing what she loves. I was emboldened.

God put me in a Garden - Just months later God gave me a group of women who also wanted to tell their stories in writing. These planted seeds were watered and nourished and flourished into my blogs, online journalism; now we're writing a book together. Now I write like I pray, just let the words come out. He gives inspiration for more stories than I can fairly pen. Answered prayer.

God walked and talked with me in the cool of the evening - To help this group and myself keep moving forward, to stick together, to actually write, I began to read about writing. I read about the obstacles writers come up against. I discovered common traits among wordsmiths. What I'd believed all my life to be my partial dysfunction, may be the tension between my creative self and the white noise of the world. Clarifying.

He gave me instruction and inspiration - As I grew stronger. I began writing more and more. I began to tell my stories. I embraced the freedom to express what had been laying in anemic lack of daylight within me. I'd learned long ago to hide and protect the precious child within, who was too introspective to be sociable; too intense to be nonchalant.

God breathed life into my spirit - The quiet, gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit spoke within my spirit, "you're a poet". Ahhh! I abandoned the poet without understanding. Whose voice have I loved since I was a girl? Who wooed me with her lyrical verses? Dr. Maya Angelou and she's a poet. Now, I could weep for the child who understood too well ... "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings".

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

And of Langston Hughes' "A Dream Deferred"

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore— And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over— like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Resonating deep within me I understand, I've know since childhood. And I'm blessed because God never leaves us where He finds us. He puts a dream inside us and even when we let it flicker and dim, He remembers. When we mix our faith He is the embers which turns our dreams into flames which then gives Light forever.

The Proverbs 31 Woman is touted in the Bible as the finest representation of womanhood. The very last bit of wisdom imparted to us in the Book of (Wisdom) Proverbs is the 31st chapter, on womanhood. The Book lays out a list of attributes of this wonderful woman. She's valued more than precious gems. She locates exotic foods and rises early to prepare delicious meals for her family. She lends a hand to the poor and gives to the needy. She is an entrepreneur and housewife extraordinaire. Yes, she's quite a gal.

One could imagine many women having the immediate reaction, "oh, that's too much, I can't do all that!" At first glance, this appears to be true. Seems the Proverbs 31 Woman casts quite a daunting shadow. Consider some of the definitions of words used to describe the Proverbs 31 Woman.

• Capable: susceptible (capable of submitting to an action, process or operation, such as marriage); comprehensive, having sufficient mental and physical ability, having traits conducive to or admitting of having general efficiency and ability;
• Intelligent: possessing intelligence; guided or directed by intellect; rational, having or indicating a high or satisfactory degee of intelligence and mental capactiy; revealing or reflecting good judgment or social thought; skillful.
• Virtuous: potent; efficacious; having or exhibiting virtue (conformity to a standard of right, morality, a particular moral excellence); morally excellent, righteous, chaste.

Big words. Let's unpack the term, "virtuous", the state of being moral and righteous. In order to demonstrate or exhibit righteousness, a woman must act on purpose, to develop a natural ability to act in a virtuous way in a practical manner.

Just what are the ways of a righteous, virtuous woman?

1. Miriam - led a nation of women in praise to God (Exodus 15:20, 21)
2. Deborah - the patriotic military advisor (Judges 4:4-10)
3. Ruth - the woman of constancy (Ruth 1:16)
4. Hannah - the ideal mother (I Samuel 1:20)
5. The Shunamite woman - the hospitable woman (II Kings 4:8-10)
6. Huldah - the woman who revealed God's secret message to national leaders (II Kings 22:14)
7. Queen Esther - the woman who risked sacrificing her life for her people (Esther 4:16)

The AMPLIFIED Bible elucidates seven (7) virtues of womanhood, as exemplified by the above-mentioned women highlighted through the Bible. These women are of great stature and position, Generals, National Leaders, Queens. They achieved extraordinary accomplishments.

Yet, the Proverbs 31 woman is merely a housewife, she operates a home-based business. She's more like you than you might supposed. She might have considered herself a "nobody", yet she is considered greater than all these.

Secret to Greatness: Her secret to greatness is thoroughly obtainable by us. She lived her life through and for the Lord, Jesus Christ. The Proverbs 31 Woman excelled them all in her spiritual and practical devotion to God whic permeated every area and relationship of her life.

All seven (7) of the Christian virtues

1. (exercise) Virtue
2. (develop) Knowledge (intelligence)
3. (develop) Self-control
4. (develop) Steadfastness (patience, endurance)
5. (develop) godliness (piety)
6. (develop) brotherly affection
7. (develop) Christian love

All seven (7) qualities are exemplified in the Proverbs 31 Woman. One need not be a queen or national leader to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. ... (II Peter 1:5) for as these qualities are yours and ABOUND in you, they will keep you from being IDLE or UNFRUITFUL unto the (full, personal) knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Annointed One). For whoever lacks these qualities is BLIND (spiritually), short-sighted (seeing only what is near to him and has become oblivious) to the fact that he was cleasned from his old sins.

Every woman can be a Proverbs 31 Woman: Reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the true foundation for a life valued by God which is the beginning and the choice part of Wisdom.

The generations speak to us through the ages. Mine do. In making a decision to attend law school, I looked upon "my mirror".

'My mirror' is a wall of black and white photos, reflecting 3, 4, 5 generations of my African American ancestry. I drew strength and resolve from my grandfather and great uncle; both attended the prestigious HBCU Howard University in the 1930s and went on to careers in the medical profession at a time when African Americans had few civil rights and even fewer human rights. If they could overcome the obstacles of their day, I was determined to achieve my educational goals. More, I felt a duty to achieve and excell, honoring their legacies.

These treasured photographs of my mother at 3 years old, who later obtained a Master's degree from Drexel University. My aunt, who obtained a Master's degree from Atlanta University, who's face I desperately searched for among the sea of humanity at the historic March on Washington when I was five years old.

In a time when my family and our people still experienced "Jim Crow", when children were taught to be 'twice as good to get half as far', my grandmother became a teacher, my father obtained a Master's degree from Michigan State University and a Doctorate from Temple University. These are the legacies handed to me saying, 'we believe in education, believe in your ability to achieve.

A product of the Civil Rights Movement means listening to the discourses of:

• Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr,
• Malcolm X,
• H. Rap Brown and others.

Their words were debated around our dining room table and superimposed upon the images of dogs and water hoses, a Presidency called "Camelot" and hundreds of thousands of oppressed peoples. Hearing their speeches like theme songs to your life side-by-side the old Negro spirituals, the crooning of classic jazz artists like Gloria Lynne, Dakota Staton and Dinah Washington. .

It's still incredulous to me that the President of the United States is any part of African American during my lifetime, a thing I never thought I would live to see, didn't think my children would even live to see.

I sit at dinner with my grandchildren and review the faces and accomplishments of these people. My great grandmother, six great aunts, my great, great grandmother, born just before the end of slavery. Their prayers and faith for us, who now live their dreams encourage my dreams for the generations coming after me when my face is antiquated yet upon that wall and my great, great, great grandchild invokes my life for his or her strength.

One definition of success is the "attainment of popularity or profit." I would argue that most people equate succes with money and material possessions. Americans have been programmed by Madison Avenue and Wall Street to believe in bigger, better, more as the mark of one's value as a person.

Many believe that happiness is success and our "stuff" will make you happy. I have nothing against materials things .. I never thought I wanted a GPS until my son gave me one and now I don't know how I ever got anywhere without one.

I have dedicated my energy and effort, my life to helping people who cross my path get from where they are to where they want to be. I believe in going-for-your dreams, shooting for the stars, entering the unlimited.

I want to impart three (3) things to consider to help you go beyond yourself in your future endeavors, to challenge you.

• PERSPECTIVE: When I entered law school, I was feeling apprehensive and as though I'd aimed beyond my reach. I had a classmate who helped me get my legs uner me by asking a simple question, "what do you call the law school graduate with the lowest grade point average?" I thought and thought and he replied, "A Lawyer". That thought helped me. I knew if I just kept showing up, eventually I would get my degree.
• Purpose: Live your life on purpose. Have a plan. One way is to sit down and write out your goals. Did you know that if you write ten (10) goals hat you want to achieve in the next year, you wll accomplish eight (8) of them. Just the act of writing it down will produce 80% achievement, even if you never look at the list again for the rest of the year, when you come back and review it, you will have accomplished more than half the things on that list. Nothing can be accomplished without a plan. If you set-out on a road trip to Florida, without a plan, you may get there, but it will take much, much longer than if you had it mapped-out. Being purposeful yields success.
• People: Chase relationships with people harder than you do acquisition of things. Build your life around things hat will last. Things come and go, people are eternal. The things that catch your attention shouldn't always be temporal. Build your joy on that which is eternal.

Maybe by defining your success for yourself, by refusing to accept others' definitions of success you can create a bridge for those who will be reaching for your hands years from now.

Remember, the sky's not the limit, there is no limit. Soar toward your dreams and enter the unlimited.

Today, be encouraged because things are the same as yesterday. The world is so full of tumult, so perilously close to destroying itself, be encouraged when the wheels don't fall off.

I woke up this morning & the cable was on, the sun came up, the school bus arrived on time and everything in my surroundings looked the same as yesterday.

Ahh! The result of which, I can set about making me a better mom, sister, friend, than I was yesterday. I can bring hope to someone's life that needs it. I can write a new song today.

Be encouraged. Life as we know it is still chugging along at the same crooked pace that it was yesterday. Happy Valentine's Day. That in itself is a good thing.

Many of us are searching for, praying for financial success. The current state of the economy has left many looking for jobs, homes, lost lifestyles. Very often, we believe that making more money is the answer.

In some parts of the world people only dream of the lifestyle of our poorest Americans. Here, in the land of plenty, it's difficult to ignore the lure of more. I daily resist the seduction of things. My life is focused on being truly present for my family, friends and the Savior, Jesus Christ, who bought my life for me, but I still want more, if not for myself, for my grandchildren.

When I was young, just starting-out and not earning very much money, I anticipated that each next job would pay more, therefore, enabling me to have all the things I wanted, to do everything I needed to do for my son and myself.

After a decade, I began to notice that although I did, in fact, take jobs with higher salaries, even working 2 jobs, at times. My expenses always out-stripped my income.

As you know, life happens. In order to get better jobs, I incurred educational expenses. In the midst of that, I had a baby. We moved to a bigger home, a bigger and more expensive city. I began to dress more professionally, I put my son in private school, I bought better cars, took more trips, renovated our home. Oh, yes, life rips a hole in the bottom of our pockets.

I plan and pray for financial increase, but not at the expense of experiencing the best life that suits me . I'm not willing to sacrifice being immersed in my grandchildren's lives. I know how quickly my son grew up and became a man. These babies will also. I want the memories of my todays to sustain me years from now. I want to be available to support my family. I want to know them and for them to know me. I want to work at what seems like play. I want to eat well and be healthy, making striving for my dreams worthwhile.

What I've discovered is while material wealth is one form of riches, true prosperity is grown on the inside. When I made a deep commitment to being the me I was always meant to be, I expected the next steps to involve investments, knowledge of how to handle money and pay-off debts.

Surprisingly, the real changes began on the inside. My sincere commitment to a better lifestyle informed my choices. I realized previous times when I had taken less when I earned and deserved more ... in relationships, career changes, parenting and more. Each time I gave myself the short-shrift, there were financial and emotional consequences which only caused me to spiral further down.

I always professed to be a Christian, but now my actions reflect my commitment to Jesus. Now, faced with options, I know where my priorities lie and because of the Faith I live, I'm supported in each step I take. I'm amazed at the ways in which the Lord demonstrates that He's got-my-back.

In the past, I wanted to be a writer, now I am a writer, pursuing the financial benefits of a career I love, as well as, the personal freedom it allows so that I can support and enjoy my family. A profitable lifestyle and a commitment to self-growth and famiy is not mutually exclusive. Avoid making choices that prove it to be.

When you want to give up, when you feel passions are waning, when you've come to the end of your rope, there's HOPE.

A writer once advised other writers, " .... the cure was to think of one single thing about the steps that still interested her at that discouraged moment and just start writing abut it one sentence at a time."

It applies to anything, if you REMEMBER THE PART YOU ONCE LOVED.

Oh! I just love that. Whenever you don't want to go on with a thing, that advice will remind you why you got into it in the first place. It's a refreshing, a sufficient lift, just enough.

The part that you love will get you through the part that you don't and keep you from giving up.

I must've needed that. I think It's Incredible.

Finding yourself barreling down at amazing speed, hurtling toward “I can’t”!? Are you losing all the resolve and courage you've been able to summon for going onward under the harshest of circumstances, continuing against churlish odds, just to find your mind crashing faster than you can manage, stopping ever so perilously close to ? "Arrrgggghhhhh! I GIVE UP!!!"

Grab the life-rope inside yourself, the one that swings like a pendulum within us all bidding us to let slip the words, the giving up words, “I can’t do it”. It’s whispered between the ears of everyone who has ever been a seeker and a searcher for more, for the best within him or herself. It swings in good times and bad and rakes itself against the sides of your skull in your worst moments.

Know when to hold em; know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away ... We're taught a lot about quitting, "quitters never win & winners never quit". Truth is, winners quit all the time. It's the decisions: what, when and why, that can be costly.

Some say, "look, if you're over 50 and it hasn't happened yet, it's not going to happen". Others advise, if you're over the age of 40 with enduring desires for marriage, "forget it, that ship has sailed."

Stuck in a dead-end job? In an abusive relationship? ^{"We fail when we don't have the guts to quit"! Seth Godin, The Dip [http://www.sethgodin.com/sg/]}

Or are you writing your heart out in hopes of getting recognized for your talent? Are you spending nights and weekends building a company, learning a new skill, discovering a new way? Have you been following a dream, building a vision? ^{We fail when we give up too soon. Seth Godin, The Dip[http://www.sethgodin.com/sg/]}

In 2006, I was facing a giant. I was raising 2 of 3 grandchildren, 6 & 3 yrs old.

I had successfully competed for a promotion to the position of Director of the Criminal Justice Dept of a popular, local college. I'd worked for it and loved every creative moment of teaching and empowering my young adult students. It was a dream come true. I'd been working toward just such a career move my entire adult life.

God will INTERRUPT your plans!

"Nana, will you help me out with the baby? I need a rest," was the simple request. The baby was the 10 month old baby girl, the 3rd of my 3 grandchilden. "Could you pick her up at the babysitter?" I'd been watching the signs for months. I was prepared. It was the same way the other 2 came to live with me. Before the end of each one's1st year, she left them with me. I knew what she was saying, 'I'm leaving, I'm not raising my child'. I said, "ok".

I was ready; I had a friend, a family of 4 boys, all set to take the baby when his day came. Now it was here, a voice said, "you can't split the family up". "I can't take care of 3" I retorted in my mind, but I already knew the debate was won and I would take 3.

2 months later, the President of the college called me in his office; it had been decided that I would step-down as Program Director. I did not put the time into my myriad responsibilities; I was not juggling my personal and professional responsibilities well enough. Blessing, tho' ... I was allowed to keep my current salary, but return to my teaching position. Not bad, not good, but not bad.

I opened the door to caring for and loving my beautiful, genius grandchildren, thereby closing the door to further career development. I opened the door to a lifestyle of raising 3 young children which has begun a professional roller coaster ride which is challenging me to make use of every ounce of education, creativity and curiosity I can muster. Want a ticket to ride?

Now, it seems simple enough. I want to be a writer because that's what I want to do. It's the me I was meant to be. It's the me I was always supposed to be, but didn't. And now, I want to be me. I want to write my thoughts down and have people read them. I want to explain myself and have people respond, don't respond, like or don't like.

I used to care too much or was it not enough? Anyway, because of that, I hid behind my words instead of standing for them. I didn't want anyone to really know what I thought. I don't think I wanted to handle the response, retort, rejection, so I kept quiet. I wrote down the words, but I didn't say anything. If I said it, I didn't let anyone know about it. I lived in captivty. My words were a cage surrounding me; they were all around me, taunting me, haunting me, walling me in. I'm breaking out.

I want to write so I'll be known as a writer. It took me many years to call myself a writer. I've done it and I believe it. That's enough to achieve it, so now I want more. The world arouhnd me makes me want more. What do people think? Influencing what others think is more. Helping others think is more. Prodding, prompting and provoking thought is the more I'm seeking.

I wrote this, so now I'm a writer.